You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
