Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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