i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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