Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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