Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
