I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
