Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
