I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
