The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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