we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
