I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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