And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Let's paint friendship bongs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
