To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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