I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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