GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
