tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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