I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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