im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
