Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
