You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
