Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
