At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
