I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
