i don't like sucking hair
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
