drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
