it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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