Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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