Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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