ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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