I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
