I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
