Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
