I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
