It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
