i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
