my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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