I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we're making bets on your personal life
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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