If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
