Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They took my balls.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
