I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
