i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
