i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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