legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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