Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
