she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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