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it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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