Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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