I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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