so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
