It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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